Welcome to the first Mental Heads Blog

I will be honest, I have never read a blog and I have never written a blog so I googled how to write a blog and I’m not really that much more informed but what I know is I have quite a story to tell, a new life to lead after a few pretty horrendous years (always mindful there is someone that has it far worse!) and as my friends and family would confirm something to say.

I think I write better now than I did before. Or is it the fact I have a passion and a desire for people to hear my story, learn from my story, get help from listening to my story and most importantly for me make sure my story never repeats itself for anyone ever again.

I started to write the other day. I decided to start writing a book – a few people had said I should so I thought I would write it from the date 3 years ago in May 2017 I was first admitted to a mental hospital in London with a psychosis and severe depression diagnosis.

Using my medical notes as a diary template I think I covered the first week and was so bored after writing 1000 words that I stopped. The narrative was totally repetitive because the notes were totally repetitive and of course they would be as I was totally repetitive telling everyone the same story all day everyday. It was simple, I made it very clear to all the professionals that I had a reaction to a prescribed medication and it had sent my brain into free fall given me a horrendous side effect so awful to live with it affected me every minute of everyday – a feeling that I wanted to crawl out of my skin which affected my ability to function on any level.

And then I got quite distressed and I thought what is there to gain by reliving the past. I thought it would be cathartic but actually it would have been damaging, distressing and triggering to read over 7 months of medical notes from mental hospital admissions. There were many dark times – I don’t need to be reminded. So my book is in retirement for the moment.

And then it was suggested I start a blog. It seems the opportune moment to start one even though as I said I don’t really know what I should be writing.

I am at the start of an exciting new stage of my life having released a mental health podcast called Mental Heads. I won’t go into too much detail, as I want you to listen and enjoy – yes enjoy and laugh about mental health. We are too PC when talking about mental health – I think you can be slightly taboo when you have been there and lived it. I use many terms to describe myself during my mental health journey, such as bonkers, not the full ticket and lost the plot – not to be derogatory or flippant but to say I am now OK with what happened to me and I have the right to use the words I want to, to tell my mental health journey. I need to move forward and I am moving forward. There has been much sadness and loss along the way but also so much gained.

I spent many dark days in hospital thinking I was destined to be locked away forever and even though I doubted it everyday, perhaps someone was looking down on me all along to bless the broken road I was travelling on. Maybe this was all part of a grander plan.

It’s taken a very long time to be able to come to terms with what has happened to me. Even with the support of my professional team around me it has taken a long time to finally be at peace with the way I was treated. The key to my recovery now is living well and being happy. I don’t just smile and laugh from my face anymore, I smile and laugh from my heart and that feeling is intensely healing in itself.

The road ahead is unknown on many levels. In the past that would have horrified me, I liked control and planning. Now I am filled with a feeling of freedom I haven’t felt in years.

The world is my oyster! I have a passion for life, a story to tell and so much to give to help people with mental health issues. Please join me on this journey – my Mental Heads blog.